A Taylor Swift Letter To My Ex

This is not my normal articulate writing. This is literally a purge of shit I want to release. For those of you who don’t know the real story about what happened with my ex, and are thinking this bitch is crazy, my words of advice to you, don’t be a manipulative, immature asshole and you have nothing to worry about. I attempted to be the mature one and have a cordial conversation so we could remain friends but that isn’t possible when there is only one adult in a relationship. He is the Blocking Bandit, where your solution to avoid accountability is to block people, and it is a manipulative, immature way to deal with life. Trust me when I tell you, his solution to dealing with everything was to run away or block. Blocking someone for no reason is an attempt to muzzle them. Blocking people is a reflection of your flawed character. I’m a communicator, I refuse to be muzzled. If I am going to be blocked, I want to make sure I earn it. So here goes a great reason to block me.

I want to start with the one thing you did that I should have listened to…you told me you are undatable and you are correct. But not only because you live with your mommy and daddy at 40, but because of your grumpy, arrogant, angry, dismissive, extremely competitive personality. Dating you was like being in a relationship with a fucking wall, unless you wanted something, then you were super nice. Congratulations, you win the prize for boyfriend who couldn’t care less about his girlfriend. What an accomplishment.

Apparently, you’re giving people the impression that you were willing and wanted to pay for the golf clubs I bought you. Frankly, I would love to be paid for the golf clubs ($2,643), golf lesson ($150), and golf fitting ($250), since I only got them for you as a thank you for building my wine bar, which you conveniently told me you didn’t have time to build it the day after I paid for your golf clubs. Also, I’m not quite sure why I got stuck with your bill in Mexico. I never offered or intended on paying for your round of golf ($310), massage ($300), or shirt ($150). Funny how on our trip to Mexico you complained that Cameron made you pay for everything in London and you did the same to me. You’re so oblivious to your own bad behavior. Now, I see how blocking someone can effectively prevent you from any accountability. So, please feel free to Venmo me for the things I did not intend on giving you for free. Despite what you told your friends, I never wanted to be your sugar momma. 

Also, I tried to be kind to you so we could have a cordial friendship, which you, a dismissive avoidant, narcissist could never do. I got tired of being told I’m unreasonable, by the most insecure, unreasonable, grumpy, always tired, man child who complains about EVERYTHING! So, here goes the truth.

Diane is too good for you. This whole bullshit that you would never date her because she’s a hot mess, she’s too much and she reminds you of your sister who’s crazy, is insanity. You literally live at home with your parents like a teenager. She is a successful, beautiful human who deserves a man to treat her like the queen she is! What I find equally as funny, as I find disturbing, is that fact that everyone Diane dated, you told her to block them for things that I disliked about you. The guy has body odor, “Block Him!” Guess what, so do you! I even told you multiple times. You should really invest in cologne and deodorant. I cannot believe I had to practically beg you to brush your teeth before bed. That’s hygiene 101, you know 5-year-olds already have that on their hygiene regime. The guy lives with his parents and lied about it, “Block Him!” again, so do you! No one is fooled by your excuse that you are supporting your parents. When they bought the house, you couldn’t afford to support them. Before we started dating, I asked you if you lived close to your parents and you said, “you could say that” conveniently leaving out the fact that you fucking live with them until almost a month later. Also, picking your nose and rolling it off your finger in your car is gross and it was fucking vile when you did it IN MY CAR! It was literally one of the grossest things I have ever witnessed, and you did it TWICE before I offered you a tissue. I’m pretty sure you would tell Diane to block the nose picker. While these are gross, they aren’t reasons you block someone. Stop using blocking as your way to not deal with acting like an adult, you’re 40! Grow the fuck up!

Kyle is actually a very nice guy. Who gives a fuck what he does for a living. Stop judging your friends. So what if he is trying to meet women while playing pickleball. At least he has a giant heart and wants to share his life with someone. Any woman would be lucky to have him in her life. He’s too good for you and all the shit you talk about him! Kyle is absolutely correct; you need to use your fucking tongue when you kiss. My advice is to spend at least 80 hours asking Kyle how you can improve this area of your life.

You have nothing nice to say about anyone except yourself. Yes, we all know you’re the best pickleball player, you could have played professional ping pong, you almost became a professional pool player, you can putt a fucking golf ball (not better than me when I wanted to show you I can actually kick your ass and didn’t give a fuck about your ego). Who cares about any of this, “could’ve” is not the same as actually doing it. By the way, your golf-baseball swing sucked before I got your ass help, thanks to Noah at the Golf Garage you’re now playing golf and not baseball. You’re the one who should have been blocked for contacting my client three times about the golf clubs. You made him so uncomfortable he kept calling me to see how he could get you to stop. That’s legit crazy bitch shit. You’re not any better at golf than Tim. But Tim is a kind human. You literally treated me like you are better than me in everything in life. The only thing you’re better at than me are sports, news flash…you are a man, okay a giant boy, but you are inherently going to be better at sports than your fucking girlfriend! Also, it was pretty obvious why you couldn’t “carry me” and we always started losing after 4 pickleball games. I’ll leave the answer for you to figure out on your own. The way you berate the people you play pickleball with is disgusting. You actually believe you are better than everyone. You have a shit ton of work to do in every other department in your life. Pull up your big boy underoos and get your shit together. You storming out when your girlfriend is setting a boundary about your shitty behavior is extraordinarily unattractive.

Allow me to now move on to why you were delusional during our relationship and what the “disconnect” I was referring to was. I will gladly go in chronological order.

First, you lied to me about owning your own house. You live with your parents. You lied to me about living alone for 7-8 years. You are a spoiled man child. You’re not doing a good job supporting your parents, refinancing and second mortgages are supporting them.

On Valentines Day you came to my house to teach me how to make your family vodka sauce recipe, and as a Valentines gift you sharpened my knives. You literally said, “I was going to buy you flowers, but I could do that anytime, so I decided to sharpen your knives.” To which I replied, I am buying a new set next month. Yea, in true Jason fashion, you ignored me and proceeded to sharpen 2 of my knives for an hour. Again, if I needed them sharpened, that would have been very thoughtful, but I literally told you, ‘I AM BUYING NEW KNIVES!” You just cannot listen. You do what you want, and I’m supposed to be happy with a mediocre boyfriend. Oh and you never bought me flowers, because that requires thinking about some one other than yourself and it takes actual effort. Showing up to pick me up 15-120 minutes late and picking the restaurant is NOT considered thoughtful. That’s not even mediocre. It’s below bare minimum effort.

You are always late. When you tell someone you will be there at 5:30, that doesn’t mean you text them at 5:30 and say you’ll be late, only to keep texting every 15 minutes about how you’ll be even later. If this was a once or twice or even a half dozen time occurrence, it wouldn’t be a problem. But this was an everyday occurrence for you. You are not important, you are inconsiderate. Successful, important people are always on time or early.

On February 26, I was trying to have a conversation with you about how I wanted to date other men. I was merely easing into the conversation when I said, we aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, and we can date other people. Two days later, I tried to finish the conversation and you literally gaslit me into being your girlfriend. Allow me to refresh your recollection, since you like to pretend you’re an attorney. When I brought it up again, you said, “I told you, you’re my girlfriend.” I was shocked and replied “you told me? Aren’t you supposed to ask me? Is that what the kids are doing these days?” You got upset and gaslit me by claiming I didn’t remember. I felt bad for you and didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but I assure you, wanting to be your girlfriend couldn’t have been farther from my desires. I thought, it’s not like he’s moving in with me. So I let it go. Imagine my frustrations when you repeatedly accused me of trying to get you to move in with me.

When I bought my house, you repeatedly told me you want to be my project manager on my renovations. Out of obligation, and your assurances that it would save me money, I used your dad as my electrician. I spoke with multiple electricians, and they all said I was grossly overcharged. What a great boyfriend you were taking advantage of me. You forced a situation where your dad and my contractor would only communicate with you, despite my repeated requests for you to stop being the middleman. You are a horrible communicator, why would I choose you to communicate what I want to do to two people who I was speaking with daily? Your refusal to stop acting like you owned my house, and your attempt to fire my contractor without ever speaking with me about it were more examples of how you overstepped, trampled on my boundaries and just would not listen to me. When I asked you to stop, you literally told me I was being unreasonable. You constantly dismissed my feelings. I did not need your help with the renovations! Once you got out of the way, I was able to get all of the work done.

You are a horrible communicator. Honestly, I am not sure what the fuck is wrong with you and why you grunt so much. Seriously, grow up Bam Bam and use your fucking words. It’s not cute.

You never cared to ask me anything about me. When I asked you why, your excuse was that I would tell you what I wanted you to know. How fucking self-centered and arrogant are you? You cannot be bothered to care about anyone but yourself.

You constantly told me you were going to do things and didn’t do them. In fact, it became a bit of a joke with my friends. Jason said he’s going to do X…Laila did you already set the back up plan in place? YUP! I literally had my backup plan waiting for you to say you’re not doing, which was 80% of the time. I didn’t even need your help, but your fragile ego and need to be important and your condescending way of speaking to me coupled with my lack of desire to argue with you made me just tolerate your lack of integrity. Your words literally have no value to me. Were there times when you helped me? Absolutely, one major one comes to mind. When my carpet company said I had to remove the hard floors, your dad and you jumped right on it and spent 5 back breaking hours working on removing my floors. I have a sneaky suspicion it was likely because I was going to cancel the trip to Oregon and delay buying your golf clubs if I had to find a contractor. But, even if that was not it, you fucked up my floors! You had no business telling me you could do the work. I cannot imagine how much it will cost me to fix it! Oh and I could have had the work done CORRECTLY for $700 not the $2,000 I paid you and your dad. I cannot believe you were actually getting paid for the work and you didn’t tell me.

You constantly criticized me and my stuff as well as tried to insult my job. Yea, you remember when you told me I don’t understand the importance of your super-duper important job because unlike you I don’t have a 9-5 job? Yea, well news flash asshole, I have a 5 am to 9 pm job. Just because I can effectively do my job, make great money and run circles around you all day and night, doesn’t mean your job is more difficult or important than mine. Also, if you’re so important at your company, why do you get all the shit rolls downhill work? Just some food for thought. None of us are fooled by your self-importance.

Your constant criticisms of me were noticed by so many people. You also routinely criticized me by suggesting your EVERYTHING is better than mine, you do EVERYTHING better than me. Since when did dating become a competition? Why the fuck are you competing with me ALL THE TIME! Actually, why the fuck are you competing with everyone all the time? My poor sister couldn’t say 2 words without you turning it into a competition. Her chili is way better than yours! She actually found you very annoying, exhausting and mean. She was so disturbed by the fact that you told her it’s not your style to complement your girlfriend. Seriously? What is your style? Just spending endless hours talking about how amazing you are? You reek of insecurities. Look around you and find something good about someone, anyone! Your house is not better than mine, your car is not better than mine, you’re not a better chef than me, your 4 grills are not better than my 1 grill, your pool table and the room it’s in are is not better than mine, your refrigerator is not better than mine, your windows are not better than mine, your pool is not better than mine, your front yard is not better than mine. It was never a competition! I have zero need or desire to compare my life and possessions to yours. You have your stuff and I have mine. I tried so hard to get you to stop competing with me by constantly complementing you so you wouldn’t feel insecure. All that got me was an even more arrogant asshole. You are NOT always right! Your cooking is not amazing, okay you have a way with corn, but you sure can fuck up and over cook lamb…just like the rest of us. You’re human. You make mistakes, own it!

I have wanted to break up with you since February. You think you’re so amazing you actually thought I was pressuring you into moving in with me. That was one of the most disturbing and funny things I have ever experienced. What on earth gave you the impression I want you to live with me. You living with me would literally be me supporting you, cleaning and cooking for you, while I work and pay all the fucking bills. WOW what a catch! Oh my gosh, I cannot believe I lost THAT guy. You are one of the most inconsiderate men I have ever met. Telling you that you should spend the night every night because I was a little nervous about the howling cayotes is a huge stretch into now I am pressuring you to move in with me. Spending the night means you go the fuck home!

Our trip to Mexico. Yea, that was a real eyeopener. First, I cannot believe you just sat there for an hour playing video games while I struggled to get our luggage even though you speak Spanish. I was equally frustrated with your lazy ass as I was with the hotel. Oh, and I never threw the phone…it was connected to the fucking wall dumbass. Your recollection was likely inaccurate due to the fact that you just sat there playing video games. Next, you planned the day in Cozumel. Seriously? What the fuck was that? Sara, Tim and I had to sit there on a boring ass car ride watching you drive. That’s how selfish you are. You picked a tour that revolved around YOU! Who goes to tequila tasting at 10:30 am. You’re a horrible planner. This is another example of where I knew you’d fuck it up and just had to sit back and watch because of your extremely fragile ego. Third, you suck at golf. You’re just better than the two women who have played 3 rounds of golf in over 10 years. Congratulations, what an accomplishment. I got so much pleasure out of kicking your ass in your own putting contest. You should never enter into a contest with your girlfriend who has had enough of your shit and wants to hand you your ass. The saddest part is how your fragile ego precluded you from complimenting me on my amazing putting skills. Instead, you belittled me and told me that I could never do that again. Mother fucker, I don’t have to because never in my life have I dated a man who was constantly competing with me and everyone around him. It’s like you have an aversion to complementing me. That’s a direct reflection of your insecurities. Also, in the pool when you started defending the man who was an asshole to me, yea that was the moment I was 100% certain I could not continue to date you. What a fucking asshole you are. If you don’t know what actually happened, shut the fuck up and let the adults have a conversation. Also, I cannot believe you asked me why I was upset, only to tell me I am being unreasonable when I explained to you that you should not have defended the stranger over me. Oh and when you stormed off like a 7-year-old child, that was beyond unattractive. I love how you came back like a little kid because you wanted another spa treatment. For the love of God, grow the fuck up and be a man. Say you’re sorry. A little acknowledgement that you’re wrong and a smidge of humility will go a long way in your personal growth…but you admittedly have zero desire for personal growth because you think you are perfect. Perfectly ridiculous! Therapy may actually help you.

Another eyeopener was when I saw your house for the first time. You literally spent the last 8 months that I have known you bragging about how amazing your house is and how you have these amazing herbs and vegetable gardens. They’re mostly weeds. I don’t want to shame anyone for their lifestyle or cleanliness, so I’m just going to say that I was shocked at what I saw. I could not believe you kept telling me how your house was nicer than mine. I would not have cared about the fact that your house looks like it is in the middle of a DIY project if you had not constantly made me feel like my house was not nice enough for you. But after seeing your house, my only thought was “fuck no! this man will not be living with me!”

On Sunday, the day after we got back from Oregon and me buying your full set of golf clubs when you told me you could not build my wine bar, I saw you for who you are…a user. You knew your work schedule before we went to Oregon, yet you conveniently waited until after I paid for the entire trip to Oregon, got you a golf lesson, fitted for new golf clubs and you let me buy you 14 golf clubs and said nothing. You knew exactly why I was buying those clubs. It was because I was not paying someone to build my wine bar which I had to do and it cost me $2000. That night, when I told you let’s date other people or go back to casually dating it was because I was fucking done with you and your lack of integrity. I was done tiptoeing around your fragile manchild ego. I was done with your mantrumps. I was done with your incessant complaining. I was done with your arrogance. I was done with your delusional thinking that I was madly in love with you and that you’re so perfect. I was done with how you treated me like I meant nothing to you. I was done spending money on you. I was done with your constant mood swings. I was done with your inability to communicate. I was done with your grunting. I was done with your promises and you constantly letting me down. I was done with your flakiness. I was done with you telling me your spending the night at my house without asking me. I was done with you controlling everything. I was done with your inconsiderate shit. I was done being constantly criticized. I was fucking DONE! But yet again, you did your whiny thing about how you don’t want to date anyone else…yet again, I compromised myself for you. All I wanted was to preserve our friendship. The very next day, I asked you if we break up would you still be my friend. News flash…these are not the words of a woman who wants you to move in with her…these are parting words. They are the words of a woman who is done with you.

On Friday, before your pickleball tournament, you made yourself a chicken wrap because you did not know if there would be food at the PPA tournament and you did not have the decency to make me one. Seriously though, you could have just claimed you made the one wrap for us to share. But you’re so inconsiderate and selfish you couldn’t even do that. That same day, I bought you 3 cases of your favorite water and 3 cases of SunCruisers that I don’t even drink. I cooked dinner so you could rest for your tournament the next day. That was such a pivotal moment for me. Realizing you don’t give a fuck about anyone but yourself.

You were horrible to Ashesh at the pickleball tournament. You did not carry him. You both made mistakes, you both played well. Oh and you totally sandbagged which is why you won first place, let’s call a spade a spade here. You were also horrible to me during our tournament. When I pointed out how mean the guy who won first place was to his partner, it was because I wanted to see if you even realized you treat me the same way he treated his partner. Nope, you were oblivious. Which reminds me, you and I did a 4.0 mixed doubles tournament and won 3^rd. You barely gave a shit. Did you say, “great job Laila”. Nope. Instead, you were upset because you believed we should have won first. Well, here’s some more food for thought. In a double’s tournament, the female usually gets targeted, which I was. Two of the games we lost, you barely hit the ball. Maybe you could work on moving a little closer to the center and help? One of the games we lost, you were targeted and you kept fucking up. But you never talk about that, do you? Instead, you literally criticized me and never reflect on your own mistakes. When I repeatedly asked you why you compliment everyone else but me when we play pickleball, your excuse was because they need compliments and I don’t. I don’t even understand that stupid fucking logic. After we broke up, I had multiple people tell me that they felt bad for me because they thought you were horrible to me when we played pickleball. I must admit, I was so embarrassed for myself because I cannot believe I dated a man who would treat me that way, especially over pickleball.

When we got to my house after the tournament, I did not want you there. I was tired of being anxious around you. You’re wrecked and tired when you’re talking to me and then you’re wide awake and excited when you’re talking to your friends. Its like being in a room with two different people. It was exhausting. When we went to bed, all I kept wanting was for you to be gone. I was grossed out by your selfishness, I totally got the ick from the nose picking. But, instead of telling you to get the fuck out. I tried to have a cordial conversation with you. Yea, it was very late and we were tired. But I was done. I could not believe your irate reaction to my question, “do you feel like there is a disconnect between us?” I was beyond shocked when you jumped out of bed, threw another mantrum and tried to leave. All I wanted was for us to have an adult conversation about how we are not compatible. Instead, you acted like a child with flailing arms, screaming you’re tired of me and my ups and downs. Well guess what genius, my ups were when you made promises and my downs were when you let me down, repeatedly. In fact, I think I did a great job keeping my emotions in check. Instead of staying and talking with me, you ran away like a child and blocked me. You’re so full of yourself. There is no need to block someone who just wants to be your friend.

Everything we did was on your schedule, what you wanted to do, when and where. I got so tired of my life running around your schedule. I always felt like you thought you were doing me a favor by spending time with me. Also, you’re 40, why are you always so “wrecked” and tired?

When we started dating, I had not had any anxiety or panic attacks for 4 months. While we were dating, your constant changes in schedules, your rules of when it was appropriate for me to call or text you, your lying to me about having to work only to go out, your criticisms of me, your mood swings, and your arrogance had my poor nervous system in high  gear. I was constantly anxious. Guess what, since we broke up…yea I have not had any panic attacks, and my anxiety is reduced significantly.

Despite all of the above, I still shipped you all of your stuff, I still gave you the golf clubs. Your arrogant, unappreciative ass could not even be bothered to thank me. Again, that’s a reflection of who you are. Your parents should’ve taught you better. Apparently, when children were learning manners and dental hygiene, you were not paying attention. When we first broke up, I really did want us to remain friends. But after you stalked my client, when I asked you not to, after you blocked me like a manchild, and after you couldn’t even say thank you, I realized I don’t want people like YOU, in MY life. So, I thank you for making it soo easy for me to walk away. Thank you for showing me your true colors. Thank you for ensuring I have zero regrets of this relationship ending. Thank you for showing me who YOU are is not someone I want or need around me.

I have so much respect for Diane. She has standards. She only dates men who are her equal or better. You’re my last charity project. I’m following Diane’s rules going forward. No more dating down. No more tolerating bare minimum. And no more dating a manchild. I deserve better than a man like you.

My therapist told me this would be cathartic. Boy was she right! So I part with these words, don’t be a fucking asshole, and if you are an asshole have a conversation with the person and no one will write a Taylor Swift letter to you!